back to school...

Í think this whole vegetarian co-op house thing is going to do my body good...I'm sitting here eating a salad because I forgot to eat dinner and it was the quickest thing to grab.

I'm stuck somewhere between contemplating the tastiness of organic tomatoes and the meaning and significance of my relationships...a confusing place to be. I'm irritated sometimes by how the little practical pieces of life, like balancing a checkbook or sorting papers, can get backed up and ignored in favor of emotional issues with partners and friends, or even just foregone for the sake of an insignificant conversation. That sounds cold...and it's funny coming from someone who always professes that her close relationships take precedence over everything else in life, and who didn't even learn how to balance a checkbook until a few months ago (because my boyfriend's mom disapproved of my financial laziness).

funny how you think you're all grown up and then at the next turn there's something new to pull yourself over

I think I'm selfish and weak sometimes. Someone comes to me for support and I crumble myself; I need to pull away and retreat. Maybe it's because I feel responsible...but I can't kick that.

Times like these I wonder who reads this thing and what they're thinking while I muse at my computer screen.

Oh...it's nice to be back at Smith. I think. It's nice to be here, for sure, but I don't know if it's Smith as much as it is everything else.

I'm going to go to Smith's free student counseling, and when they ask me on the little yellow form why I'm seeing a therapist, I'm going to tell them I have difficulties with emancipation and a tendency to form codependent relationships.