more aaargh

today feels like it got crappy fast.

I lost my school ID, which has $50 on it for laundry. I had enough quarters to wash a load of laundry but not enough to dry it. maybe I'll air-dry it...

I emailed my dean to ask about some options for next semester. She emailed back with an answer that showed that she hadn't understood my question. I emailed her back to clarify. She emailed me with yet another misguided answer. So, when I go meet with her this Friday, I have yet another thing to add to my urge to slap her new-age-frumpily-dressed face, all based on the fact that she only ever half listens and thinks she knows what I want better than I do.

I'm angry at my friend for no reason. I'm angry that he wanted to end the phone call and didn't just make the graceful out that most people do, "Oh, I'm at my destination/ I'm really tired/ it's cold so I'd better get inside/ I've gotta take a shower/someone else is calling me" instead it was "I don't know where to end this conversation." OK, so you don't want to be on the phone with me anymore and you can't cover it with a white lie or even the TRUTH, that you just wanted to chat on your way home and now you're home so you want to go to bed. What about last night when you wanted to hang out while I was in a good mood and lost interest when I got down? Or when you changed your mind halfway to my house? Sure, I would have been pissed, but it would have hurt less than staying with someone who didn't want me there.

So...I'm clingy and codependent and look to other people to reassure me that I'm a lovable person. I'm sorry. Sometimes I feel like I can't help it. I really can, but I need some TIME. And I need you to tell me what you want. And I need to learn to tell you what I want.

I only have one set of sheets for my bed and they're in the washing machine. They're not even my fucking sheets.

I think some day is going to come when you tell me I'm as crazy as my father, and it will all fall apart.