promises

I'm noticing that once I've broken one small commitment to myself, the rest seem to dissolve. Going to an alternate Spanish class, Pilates, etc...the last three hours have totally fallen apart. No, it's not just you; watch me take a dive too. But I know it's temporary, I know what's causing it and it's going to be all gone by tomorrow morning.

Phone calls, emails, stuff to print, this whole homework business...it's gonna take a few days before my brain is able to smoothly transition into that mode, of the constant work being in paper or online form, rather than store orders and what kind of tea Bob wants and which bus to hop to the ferry. The cool thing is, I'm not depressed. Well, my room is kind of a depressing space, and right now I'm at a low point, but it's more physical than emotional.

Mike's been off looking at apartments and jobs, and today I think my mind/heart are with him more than usual...maybe because my own reality is starting to lose that sheen of fantasy and self-importance that the first days of school tend to have.

I'm writing here because I don't want to clean my room and cut squares of saran wrap, because those things mean that I have to reveal myself more to the people I live with and risk the possibility of rejection. That's the truth; that's why I anxious. I'm doing it anyway.